Thursday 31 May 2012

Boise, Idaho and Elly Shearman



How I thought my day would be! 

Twas the night before internships, and all through Metrograte House- EVERYONE was stirring trying to think of how their first day would go. I went to bed at the party-girl/coke-head hour of 4 ish o'clock. Then woke up at 5. Followed by alarm at 7. Yay for 9 -to- 5's! Soapboxing on the street is my idea of making a living, not so much this whole "Look at me, I'm a lawyer" type thing.



Gray mornings are the best. 


Before starting my first day of work, it proved most important to "get there on time" (I'm sure you've heard that rhetoric before). My friend Theresa and I are of course, the two latest people in our group of friends, so naturally we would have the same tube stop for work! We actually made a really great decision to put off coffee just to make sure we got to work on time. Proud of us! But then we got to our station with 30 minutes to spare, so we just got donuts and almond croissants instead.

After Theresa started her walk down the street for work, I headed to Iceland to find out what women needed aid that morning. Before attempting a B&E when I forgot the code for the door (at least they couldn't charge me for that at my workplace) one of my fellow solicitors entered the numbers necessary to "Open SESAME!" Although Dane Cook tried to do it, apparently wishing yourself inside is not really a viable option either. My new friend (who will remain nameless, everything about our work is a bit secretive because of the nature of the job) immediately put me to work, and for the next three hours I spent time typing up a client's statement. I got to use really cool formatting and say things like "In reference to Paragraph (3) I would like to state that..." My victim's story was incredibly sad, and I couldn't believe the things that she had to go through only two years older than me. That is probably the hardest part of my work, entering in client data and seeing that our birth-dates are only a year or two apart- but a lifetime of difference in terms of growing up.

My new supervisors are apparently happy with me, as they wasted no time in allowing me to file cases! I was off to a bit of a slow start (and of course started sweating) when I found out our keyboards were different. As are our accents, which make it completely impossible for me to communicate with anyone on the phone.. My favorite conversation, "What did you say your name was? One more time. Bit slower... Spell it out for me... U-P-S, got it! Oh jeez, got it yes, I'll buzz you in. Sorry about that sir."

The day went by almost quickly, most likely because I had to open and close five cases. Today I filed a child molestation case, a non-molestation child abduction case, an injunction, and a case requesting separate living spaces for a non-sanctioned, arranged Islamic marriage. During this time, I answered phone calls, phoned visitors in, attempted to understand laws regarding International Child Abduction as it relates to England/Wales, and went over articles in the Hague Convention. As far as the latter, I thought that was just a convention Professor's made up to fill class time. They showed me!


How my day turned out. How quickly one can forget one's name.
This is even me trying to remember how to smile. 


Yet the most exciting time of the day proved to be lunchtime. It was then that I ordered a $10 Subway footlong. You see, in the UK they make portions for midgets. Or small children/dwarves, whatever. They don't even ADVERTISE the footlong at Subway, there's just a brief little note that says (insert cheery voice) "And if you'd like to make your meal a footlong, just add 2 pounds!" So I got my Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki, super-sized it like you're supposed to, and was on my way. My supervisors were aghast at everything that I could eat, and wondered how I could do it! They also wondered why we didn't have universal health care... These people are on to something. Favorite quote, "But wait, wasn't Obama supposed to come in and fix everything?" Working on it (OBAMA 2012- shameless plug!)


Love this pic! On my way to meet Elly at Victoria Station. 

I once attempted to take a mini-break, which meant shoving granola in my mouth in between cases, but my fellow solicitor then suggested that I then check on the mail. WHAT A WONDERFUL SUGGESTION! During the day they said that they were really proud of me, and that tomorrow I would be taking on clients myself *so silly!* Honestly, I do really enjoy hearing about the cases and I can't wait to go to court with them next week, but all of this paperwork is crazy! I had no idea that the day-to-day life of a lawyer was so eerily similar to that of paper-mill workers. These women I work with are amazing though, and I feel they do more in one hour than our entire government does in a whole year. When I finally parted ways with them, they were still working hard at their cases and spewing legal diction in such thick accents that I thought I was in Cajun Louisiana. No way I'm understanding any of that.


NORRRRRRR!!!! 

HOWEVER, the best part of my day started when my Legally Blonde job ended. One of Elon's finest, our old trainer Elly Shearman, lives in Bristol and in London for the night! Before she left for India, Elly and I arranged to meet up for some drinks! f We met up at The Shakespeare right outside of Victoria Station, and I nearly cried seeing her cheery face coming toward me! Smiling and laughing, it just reminded me of how much we missed her and needed her this year. Elly our angel! Elly was kind enough to buy me a drink (Cider, duh) and we munched on olives while talking about our time apart. The weirdest part of our meeting was when an Englishman came up to me in a suit, point and said, "Boise, Idaho!" I almost screamed back my usual response- YOU DA HOE!- but I figured he wouldn't get it. I told him South Carolina, and the conversation just went down hill from there.


Nor bought me cider and olives after an exhausting day. I almost proposed. 


Parted ways with Elly, not before discussing a trip to Bristol to see her one last time (hopefully Mo and I will go!) After my trip to the bar, I somehow managed a nice run in Hyde Park- the perfect stress reliever to a very busy day. Gonna try to do it all again tomorrow, and live the Elle Woods lifestyle for a lil bit longer!! If anyone's looking to retire sometime soon, send the information my way.

Pics from the run!! 

TRIED SO HARD not to look like a pedophile taking this pic. These little boys are so cute!

Look, sidewalk!


Right for this beast of an animal tried to attack me! SUCKER PUNCH SOLVED THAT! 


More entertaining than the swans: people taking pictures with the swans.


WAY more entertaining than the swans!
Had to control my impulses not to Karate- Kid launch myself at him..



Looking to see if Will & Kate were home.

sky blue pink! (that one's for you Ann!)








His boxers are tucked into his shorts.




I feel like "festive" is an understatement. We love our Queen! 




My day started off somewhat like last Tuesday, I awoke from my slumber long enough to tell housekeeping that I was still sleeping in the sheet they wanted to clean, and that I would take out the garbage myself. Confused as to why they were starting rounds at 5:30 in the morning, I did a quick check of my phone to set an alarm for 11 to wake up for my free lunch at 12. Lucky me, it was 11:15! Those rays of sunshine should have been a dead give a way. 


ready to shop till we drop! or at least get hit by a double-decker... a more unpleasant way to "drop" 

Oxford Circus getting ready for the Jubilee this weekend!

Imma take you down to NIKETOWN! Just do it.



The free lunch was given by FIE in exchange for some of our precious London time. It consisted of talking about our experience so far, and me (once again) devouring an entire pizza. This time, the pizza was not as good, but I still managed at least 5 solid slices. 


An old-fashioned tale of a girl and her waffle. Separated by a sea, reunited by a street vendor. 


On our way back to Metrogate, Theresea told me that she and the girls were looking for their Jubilee dresses! Alexa and I planned to go to the British Museum, but why see history when you can BUY sequins. We all got a little bit lost, so Alexa and I sprinted off to the Museum before class. But then we got distracted, got 1/2 priced frappuccino's and then boarded the tube for Camden town. It was here that we found the most beautiful articles of clothing ever created- some of which will be wearing in honor our our great Royal family. I am sure the Queen would love to hear that she was just another excuse for me to spend money on clothing I'll never wear again. 


All i need in this life of sin, is me and my girlfriend. BEYONCE I love you <333333


Such potential!


Thaturday is my favorite day of the week. 


In the process of buying all of this stuff, I made a new frenemy  in the store owner. "Moo Moo"owned all of the clothing that I wanted, and she also wanted to charge something like 20/25 pounds for each article of Jubilee fun! That would have meant at least spending 60 pounds, something that I did not have the money to do. So I did my best to insult her profession and shame her into giving me the shorts, shirt/dress, and other dress for 42 pounds. Sure I didn't eat for the rest of the day, but how else am I going to fit into my new outfits? 


perfect moment captured on the way to the pub, "what the..?" 


Casually putting up old family pics "billboard style" for the Queen. 



After shopping, we hurried back to drop everything off before class at the pub. I have only dreamed of piecing together those words in one sentence, and now that it has finally happened I have to rethink my life goals. Our class met at Founder's Arms next to The Globe Theatre, where our professor arrived 40 minutes late but of course supplied us with enough laughs to last a month. On our tour, we encountered Palestinian protestors arguing against the theater group from Tel Aviv (the one we saw rehearsing) that was in town doing 'The Merchant of Venice." My friend was listening to someone vehemently trying to win over to the Palestinian side when she just stopped mid-conversation, turned to me, and said "His boxers are tucked   We walked around and observed how narrow the streets were, and really tried to soak it all on that we were standing where Shakespeare once was! Our Professor also shared with us the gruesomeness that once existed by the Thames: the bear gardens where dogs would be set on bears tied up to trees, the prostitutes (called Winchester Geese)that called out to their customers from balconies, the severed heads slathered in tar stuck on stakes before you crossed to London. Truly gross stuff, but of course our professor made sure to make it light-hearted, cheery, and best of all- completely entertaining. Here are some of his quotes: 



A formerly "dodgy" part of London, right next to an old prison and an old castle!
Not your average rapper's DONK.

  • "Hey guys, leave for the tour in like 2-3 minutes? Great. Here are maps from 1594, I just like to stay really up to date." 
  • "Reprographic. GOD I meant to say reproductive! Haha blimey, me an academic saying reproductive and photographic. That's how we had our son, by just saying 'repeat, copy and two-sided.' "
  • "No class next week because of Bank Holiday. The fucking Queen has gotten in the way of class. That bitch doesn't want us to meet!" 
    • [Carrying on about not seeing us] "Oh no we have a break! Don't worry, we can text each other!" 

Either something for Her Royal Highness or Burger King 










Before the tour ended, we made sure to visit two really cool places. The first was called the "Cross Bones Graveyard" where the bodies of prostitutes, and later those who couldn't afford proper burials, were put to rest. Now, people just cover the iron gates in ribbons and all sorts of graffiti to honor those who died. We also got to touch the oldest "thing" in London, a piece of wood underneath a bridge that you can touch! Which of course made me not want to touch it. Lemme break some rules London!



Police everywhere to keep the groups separate

The Palestinians. 



The Israeli's had music going and sounded like they were almost celebrating.


On our way back, all of us started talking about the worst type of thing to talk about on the Tube. Food.  This is because you usually have about 9 stops until Gloucestor, and food is always far, far away. Alexa and I decided that we NEEDED to go to Burger King to satisfy our good ole' American cravings for grease and obesity, so we had it our way. I got a Double Whopper, Sprite, and pound of fries which disappeared all too quickly. Seems like the UK needs to learn a thing or two about portion control- the bigger, the better. That is until we're talking about Aretha Franklin. 

Once we gorged ourselves on weird meet and fantastic fries, Alexa and I did the only logical next step. WE BOOKED A TRIP TO PARIS! AHHHH ZE CITY OF ZE FWENCHHHH. I feel like I will blend in so effortlessly, me and my great style, thick accent, wide shoulders... Woody Allen might even cast me in "Midnight in Paris: Part 2." I'll have to give him a call about that. 

Tuesday 29 May 2012

LOWER THE GLOBE!

Monday night shenanigans!


SO today we went to go see Shakespeare's theatre, also known as "The Globe." Throughout our entire tour there the only thing replaying in my mind was a clip from Austin Powers where someone just screams "Lower the globe!" and a globe hits a villain in the face. Don't let my blonde hair fool you, yes- I do have thoughts superior to normal humans.


Lower the globe!! 

The Globe turned out to be a bit underwhelming. We were required to go for class and get there by means of our OWN transportation *gasp.* After running very behind, Alexa and I decided to separate from the pack and try to ask some strangers for help. We ended up going in completely the wrong direction necessary, lost our group, and then the 'stragglers' we were trying to race there arrived before us. If you don't think karma exists, you should have been there this morning. I tried to kill someone by shooting lasers out of my eyes when they alluded to "Ohh you should have stayed with us" WHATEVER TYLER. Not to name names, or anything. I like to rise above such childish matters.


Bill's Globe. Yeah, we're on a first name basis. 


Once we crossed Millennium Bridge, The Globe came into view. Mind you, the real Globe burned down in a fire in 1613, which was the first disappointing fact of the day. It turns out a stage manager shot fireworks into the thatched roof, classic redneck move. Sounds like South Carolinians invaded England instead of the Romans. The second Globe theater was shut down in 1642 by Oliver Cromwell and his gang of super-fun Puritans, and eventually burned down again. In 1999 an AMERICAN built the third replica that we see standing today, and it's been unconsumed by fire ever since. Brilliant.


Barrett from our lovely group as "The Door." Her first starring role in Shakespeare's 'Romeo and Juliet.' 


The tour started off well, we got to see an acting troupe from Tel Aviv run the stage with their principle actor tied up in ropes. While most assumed crucifixion, I assumed S&M and was extremely confused as to how England would allow such an mockery of their greatest playwright! I also assumed that this would be the first time anyone would actually enjoy watching Shakespeare, instead of pretending to understand what "iambic pentameter" means, let alone appreciate it. Turns out it was just the groups' interpretation of Shakespeare, so that nixed my fun idea.

The second part of the tour involved a lecture, where I learned some of the facts stated above in between crossing my eyes and drifting off into a peaceful slumber. Our tour guide was quite lovely, and had a great appreciation for Shakespeare. I do as well, but not when it is so early in the morning and air conditioning is no where to be found. I'm either experiencing menopause or a heat wave- hopefully just the latter.

Look! Its... its... a MENU. 


After our thrill of a morning, we found a trendy little Greek place right on the water where we filled up on Mediteranean food. It was very traditional, and the waiter really helped us pick out the right cold/hot "meze" dishes. Meze refers to small plates of food- something like tapas dishes. I got a hot meze called "tiropitakia" which is known as "little cheese pies." Mine was filled with feta and spinach, and was absolutely delicious. With my three little tiropitakia's I also got a cold meze of flatbread dipped in olive olive. There was much more than I expected, and we all left out lunch filling stuffed (although our wallets were a bit empty).

tiropitakia. not to be confused with spanakopita. though
 very, very similar in both spelling and amount of cheese involved. 


GIRLS GIRLS GIRLSSSSSSS (insert accompanying music) 


Once we finished eating, we walked not even a block to Tate Modern where they were showing a Damien Hirst exhibit that we all wanted to see. His exhibit was a bit pricey, so we only went to the free floors. We were lucky enough to see some great exhibits, and even saw a few Picasso's (though nothing like the de Young!) As someone who is an artist themselves (I draw stick figures) I immediately identified with Picasso's painting of the sea. By that I mean his choice of the color blue was outstanding. Honestly, I really have no idea how to talk about art- I'm one of those people who only likes things that are aesthetically pleasing, and don't really understand the whole modernist/cubist stuff. My aunt is one of those people who can take you to a museum, spew out facts that normal human beings shouldn't know, and answer any questions one might have in reference to "perspective" "dimensions" or "what the F*** was he thinking when he painted the ENTIRE canvas black?" She would calmly look at you and say "Well, during this phase of his life, everyone in his family was massacred so yes- black was the appropriate choice." Hmm. So instead of talking about the paintings, I just took cool pictures to show you-the lovely viewer!


This one is apparently called "Please do not touch."


This one is also called "Please do not touch."


This piece is especially moving.


This was my favorite piece called "The Unnamed Word #1" (2005) by Pedro Cabrita Reis.
It is supposedly about the theoretical relationship we all have with God, someone who cannot be named.


Damien Hirst's "Love of God" photo credit goes to "the google" here. They had this displayed on the ground floor, and you had to wait in line to see it. Shown in a completely dark room, it was absolutely stunning. Also stunning were the boxer-like reflexes of the guard hidden in the corner when the girl next to me tried to take a photo. NO PICTURES FOR YOU. 



After separating from two groups at the museum and getting rescued by one of my friends, we decided to make our way down to good ole' Starbucks. It's now "half priced frappuccino's" over here in the UK, so I will officially be spending all of my money on coffee for the fourth week in a row. Someone tried to strike up a conversation with me and broke the ice by starting with, "So... Did you just go running?" (I was wearing typical athletic garb, norts-Nike shoes- black crew socks). I answered coolly, "No, but I must look like I did, huh?" HAHA great one. He then asked me all about what I was doing in London, if I played a sport, and what kind of coffee I usually preferred. Brilliant stuff. Things really got painful once he got into "Ah, but you all have the drive-through Starbucks in the US don't you?" God save the Queen.

Once I grabbed my coffee and bolted out of Starbucks at an Olympic like pace, my friend and I discussed the great deals of money that we'd been spending in the UK. She let it slip that she'd accidentally spent nearly $2000 in the past ten days. I nearly spit out my coffee and tried to put my eyes back in their sockets. I then gave myself a quick Jay-Z/dirt-off-your-shoulder type pat and continued on walking.  If any family is out there reading this, give a quick shout to the Heavens that I haven't yet discovered how to charge this much stuff to my card.

Water. It's what's for dinner. Oh, and Queen's Jubilee Special Edition peanut M&M's.

YUM & YUM's. 


We made it back to Metrogate in good time and I decided that since the cupboards were bare I needed to make a quick stop to the lovely Tesco Express. I ended up buying 13 pounds worth of grocery, significantly less than I spent last time. Not that I bought anything that I needed, but hopefully the sparkling water and M&M's last me a while.

My flat at dusk. Dusk is such an odd word.
Lucky to have this view! 



Grocery shopping, dinner, and nap time flew by. Yes, my days ARE exhausting. We all decided to go out (it was Monday night after all). Luckily, I have some great friends here who have discovered my weakness to peer pressure. We got ready a little late, so we told everyone we would meet that at Imperial College for cheap drinks before we went out to Bouji. I was wearing my stripper heels and the shortest skirt possible, so the yells/whistles were either to pay for my services as a Julia-Roberts-esque prostitute, or to see how easily I could succumb to the awaiting death/ankle sprain of the cobblestone streets.


Cuties. 


My little Laran gangster and Carolina!


After meeting the WORLD's most annoying person (Dean) who attempted to lead us to our club, we discovered that we were lost and desperate to find our friends! Eventually met up and went to ArchAngel- a local club on High Street Ken that sold drinks for only 10 pounds, yet had no cover charge. Overall successful Monday night with some great people! Cheers! xx

Taking pics to avoid our night-stalker, yea! 






Sunday 27 May 2012

le jour parfait

le jour parfait = the perfect day 




Today was a super lazy, very chill day. I woke up around 1 p.m. after having difficulty falling asleep, and made my way to Hyde Park. I wore a t-shirt a my crew socks with Nikes for the first time here, and most people looked at me as though I was an alien! Not an alien, just an athlete.

The park was absolutely bursting with people, and I struggled to find a lone tree to sit next to! Although I was super busy writing and eavesdropping on the French couple beside me, I found time to notice a few upcoming trends.


Things that are in: 

  • Children. Children are going to be super "in" as accessories next fall. I found lots of people sporting them, and this doesn't seems to be one of those "in one season, out the other" type fads. 
  • Dogs are also very "hip." If you don't have a child, you have a dog. If you have a dog and a child, you'll surely lose one of them along the way. Well-trained and taught to heel on command, they may be less fashionable then children, but way better behaved. 
  • Gay men are also super in. I like to wink and make suggestive faces, just to confuse them. As if maybe they think that Americans believe two men holding hands is the norm. Wait, we passed Amendment 1... They just think we're assholes.


Shot of the French couple beside me. I totally secured permission to reprint this. As media law and ethics taught me "What has been made public is by definition no longer private." Public space suckas! 



After writing in the park for about an hour or so, I found myself growing faint with hunger. Everyone and their mother was eating an ice cream cone or sausage, so I decided to run down to our local Fwench bakery and pic up a pastry or four. I ended up running into my waiter friend from Mexico (he calls us "neighbors- America woo hoo!) and he convinced me to get salmon. Since I've been living purely on pasta and chocolate, I felt that it would be good to get a little fish in the system. That's actually a disgusting sentence.


Me tiny little slab of salmon. Delicious. 

I went home with my aui/wee little bag of French cuisine, and devoured my food with an episode of "It's Always Sunny." About an hour later, Alexa and I went on the most gorgeous run through Hyde Park! It was difficult not to ask strangers for a swig of wine or stop for crepes, but we made it through and saw some great scenery. After that, went home and baked a pizza then went out with the girls for ice cream. Such a great weekend! Class tomorrow at The Globe, ready to get my Shakespeare on. 



Room to breathe.